Funny takeaway names and some not so imaginative ones

Charcoal Grills rule the roost in London, but our vote goes to a cheeky Vietnamese noodle bar

Londoners love treating themselves to a takeaway from time to time, and we all have our own favourites. Walk down any high street and you’ll find yourself spoiled for choice – from kebabs and pizzas to curries and noodles, and just about everything in between!

While there are plenty of options to choose from, there are certain takeaway names we seem to see over and over again. But is this the same across the rest of the country? What is the most popular takeaway name of them all?

Mercure Hotels decided to research the subject. Quite why, I can’t explain to you. But, let’s not allow that to get in the way of a good yarn.

To find out once and for all, researchers working on behalf of the hoteliers compiled a list of more than 190,000 takeaways from all over the UK, analysing the results to uncover the most popular names.

Taking the top spot as the most popular takeaway name both in London and the UK overall is ‘Charcoal Grill’, with 215 different outlets going by this name across the UK.

For me, such a name might ‘do what is says on the tin’, but few marks for imagination.

On the pan-UK list the confidently named ‘Best Kebab’ comes in second, with 184 separate appearances in the study. ‘Munchies’ comes in third (174), followed by ‘Golden Dragon’ (141).

Sorry, but none of them gets my gastric juices flowing nor brings a smile to my face. How about you?

Thankfully, we are saved by some good (or bad, dependent on your viewpoint) puns.

Did you know, there are 459 chippies in the UK that misspell ‘place’ as ‘plaice’, including ‘The Right Plaice’, ‘My Kinda Plaice’ and the double-punned ‘Manchipster Plaice’? Sticking with fish and chips, there are 75 ‘Codfathers’ in the UK, making hungry customers an offer they can’t refuse/understand

Meanwhile, down in Bristol there’s a mobile kebab seller called ‘Jason Donervan’, named after the Australian heartthrob and star of Neighbours. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

But what’s my favourite? First, I should make it clear that Mercure did not draw my attention to it – I found this out all for myself. My vote has to go to the establishment pictured at the start of this article which could have been named with me in mind. I hope it is still around. It’s the Phat Phuc noodle bar off Chelsea’s Kings Road. They claim it is Vietnamese for Happy Buddha and who am I to doubt them?

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David Buckley

Dave Buckley is a career journalist. “I once went painting girders for a week and discovered I didn’t like heights,” he says. “Apart from that it has always been journalism for me in one form or another.” Past publications worked for include the South-East London Mercury*, Kent Messenger, Daily Express, Today*, News of the World* and Hong Kong Star*. All those marked with an asterisk no longer exist (trend emerging?). He owned and edited a Thailand-based property magazine before returning to England and currently works as a production editor for an East Midlands-based publishing group.

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